It's the most wonderful time of the year

Today I spazzed out and had a fit curled up in my chair pulling my hair out and growling I DO NOT KNOW in inhuman tones. Then I passed out and woke up an hour later with a huge fucking pain in my back because I'd conked out at the wrongest angle.

LOL

I hate myself (shut up get over it you stupid whiny post-teen/midlife crisis goth bullshit asshole STOP FUCKING MOANING YOU INDECENT SHITBAG, WHAT FUCKING RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING MOAN ABOUT ANYTHING YOU SNIVELLING PIECE OF FUCKWIPE?! JUST SHUT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK UP, YOU DEPRESSING DRILLING DIRGE OF A MAN.)

Happy goddamn birthday.

I'm drunk
I wish I was dead
my right arm now is a mess of gashes and scars
I'm a fucking idiot
why the fuck did I do that? that's teenage bullshit right there.
Fuck this

I'll nevber be anything decent

fuck
I should sleep
I'll never be godzilla or lassie
getting older is fucking scary
really
fucking
scary

I hate sleep
I would like to go to sleep and not bother waking up
which is why I hate sleep
because I go to sleep
and try to stay asleep
it doesn't work
so i wake up late
mad as a house
for missing the day
that I would have wasted anyway

fuck this.... I'm sick of it. So fucking sick of it.
My arm's stinging and dripping blood on the carpet. I should mop it up. Instead I'm making myself a cup of tea before bed. Priorities. What a fucking winner. Happy 26th birthday, man.

Ahn ahn ahn ahn the world wants me dead I'm sure I'm sure of it fuck

what am I scared of? oh fuck ahn ahn ahn

Aaahhhhnnnnn
when I stop for just a couple moments to remember all stuffs liiike... OCTOBER 2000, anything like that, or to consider what gawn on since AROUND that time... just... I fuckin' well up like a fuckin emo-champion or somesuch fuckin bullshit...
I can't nevah get that days back... and they was fuckin squandered as well (social tard ++++++)

And weighing it all up with what I am now
ohhhh fuck
I have wasted and am wasting my life.
Je Suis Retard (I Am Late)
I am a retard.

Today I was supposed to go to Glasgow, but I fucked that up.
My sciatica was so bad I could hardly fucking walk.
I've done fucking nothing all day. I've been sitting here since 6pm. It's 5am now. aaaahn..


Will I ever get it back?