nuthin and nuthin and nuthin

Jehhh.. Mostly I am asleep. I got nothing to do and nowhere to do.
Absolutely shit all. I can't face seeing anyone and as soon as I leave the house I just draw blanks, but as soon as I wake up (eventually) I get cabin fever and have to get out.
So fuckin' sick of this god-damn bedsit

Was my dad's birthday today, they went for a meal, I sat with 'em, no food, got no appetite, close to cryin' my fuckin eyes out at a couple points but held it together and kept my arm outta sight.

Mostly asleep. It's just more interesting than actually being awake.
Last night I dreamed I befriended an ape, we swapped bananas. The other night I dreamed I joined Cardiacs and Tim Smith was better.
I wake up and there's all this fucking... nothing
nothing except the utter cunt upstairs microwaving ketamine to sell to junkie scum who knock on my window, I am a gateway drug to k-town. Fucking pricks.

Forced down a can of spinach.
Tried to sleep earlier but ended up having a micronightmare and couldn't get back to sleep. Sat in front of a tv for a while.

This is my life. It is exciting.
I think about ending it, but I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with anything, I just make a vague mess now and again. Would rather just go to bed one day and then not so much not wake up, just have never existed. To vanish and leave no trace would be the best thing, but totally impossible. Frr shame.

But

There's nothing for me.
I do nothing and I don't seem to be able to do anything.
Pfffffffffffeh. Fuck this.

Soon I get to be dragged around several glorious airports. Joy betold. Ah.

asshole sky
fuckkin deathwad cockendersz

yeah I'm fffckn.. hella succinct.

Hanging around in the smeg-air of this shithole dead-dog town and this god-damned world is tooooo fuckin' much and hey but ain't it just the way things are? Whatever the fuck's important or some shit... some shit... whole fuckin' heapsz of cockend

This place is grinding me down intae a fuckin paste
Now if that was literally, that would be quite right.

Hello The Void
I like how nothing you are
and would like to go and be all absolute in your everything bits..

I am systematically destroying my life down to fuckin' bits and pieces. See what cack I can cobble together if there's anything left

I wonder if my life is over now?
Teen dribble - but - it's like.... huh
something I've put my whooooole energies into for the past 10 years and all that fuckin' jamb. All done with now. Feels fuckin' weird. Cut up about it to fuck, like fuuuuck

but shit I can't fucking do it anymore.