nuthin and nuthin and nuthin

Jehhh.. Mostly I am asleep. I got nothing to do and nowhere to do.
Absolutely shit all. I can't face seeing anyone and as soon as I leave the house I just draw blanks, but as soon as I wake up (eventually) I get cabin fever and have to get out.
So fuckin' sick of this god-damn bedsit

Was my dad's birthday today, they went for a meal, I sat with 'em, no food, got no appetite, close to cryin' my fuckin eyes out at a couple points but held it together and kept my arm outta sight.

Mostly asleep. It's just more interesting than actually being awake.
Last night I dreamed I befriended an ape, we swapped bananas. The other night I dreamed I joined Cardiacs and Tim Smith was better.
I wake up and there's all this fucking... nothing
nothing except the utter cunt upstairs microwaving ketamine to sell to junkie scum who knock on my window, I am a gateway drug to k-town. Fucking pricks.

Forced down a can of spinach.
Tried to sleep earlier but ended up having a micronightmare and couldn't get back to sleep. Sat in front of a tv for a while.

This is my life. It is exciting.
I think about ending it, but I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with anything, I just make a vague mess now and again. Would rather just go to bed one day and then not so much not wake up, just have never existed. To vanish and leave no trace would be the best thing, but totally impossible. Frr shame.

But

There's nothing for me.
I do nothing and I don't seem to be able to do anything.
Pfffffffffffeh. Fuck this.

Soon I get to be dragged around several glorious airports. Joy betold. Ah.