Muck, smeck, and I stare at the fucking walls. For hours.
All I got is stuff I pure fuckin hate

O call to arms snipers what need practice; I'll be outside on Gloucester Road today. Shoot my fucking brains out for fuck's sake

staring at the fucking walls. Goddamnit I hate it here. Everything blah blah blah blah blah oh grow up so the world isn't how you wanted it to be when you were a kid. Fucking asshole.

My mind is no picnic and I really don't want to wake up tomorrow.

As soon as I get off the bus, it all hits me, the oh fuck.... yeah.. the my life.......
and I get into my flat........ oh yeah..... all this
I get online......... all this..............

Faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack Fuck fuck et cet er rah

so much so I wish I could go back 10 years and not fuck up EVERYTHING
But still I can't. Just sit about in muck-brain and reality knowing that I and everything I am and do is dross forever now and always. Welcome to the rest of my life, reeeeeeeeeeeeeetard

see me by my legs what wallow and flail

sprint sprint back to hovel and whimper a fuckn curse
Clutches at straws, me I do and fill a bucket with wet sightsz

In othre words aaaah aaaaah aaaaah aaaaaah aaaah aaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah

I just realised that I don't count

Late night ASDA shopping trip (cycling home with two large carrier bags = tuff)

3x Cans of Mackerel in Tomato Sauce
3x Cans of Tuna Chunks in Spring Water
1 Litre Strawberry Milk
1/2 Litre Semi Skimmed Milk
5x Red Chief apples
1x Banana
1x 500g pot of fat free Natural Yoghurt
1x 250g pot of fat free Greek Yoghurt
1x Muller Cherry Yoghurt pot
1x Bag of dried berries
6x Pack of Diet Vimto
1x Bottle of Acacia Honey
1x 500g Loaf of Dark German Rye Bread
1x Readymade Lentil Salad
1x 200g Pack of Low Fat Soft Cheese with Garlic and Herbs

One day I'm gonna ride my bike into the sky and disappear

fuck off I'm sick of it alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll (blah blah blah whine teen bullshit fuckwank)

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Today I spazzed out and had a fit curled up in my chair pulling my hair out and growling I DO NOT KNOW in inhuman tones. Then I passed out and woke up an hour later with a huge fucking pain in my back because I'd conked out at the wrongest angle.

LOL

I hate myself (shut up get over it you stupid whiny post-teen/midlife crisis goth bullshit asshole STOP FUCKING MOANING YOU INDECENT SHITBAG, WHAT FUCKING RIGHT DO YOU HAVE TO FUCKING MOAN ABOUT ANYTHING YOU SNIVELLING PIECE OF FUCKWIPE?! JUST SHUT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK UP, YOU DEPRESSING DRILLING DIRGE OF A MAN.)

Happy goddamn birthday.

I'm drunk
I wish I was dead
my right arm now is a mess of gashes and scars
I'm a fucking idiot
why the fuck did I do that? that's teenage bullshit right there.
Fuck this

I'll nevber be anything decent

fuck
I should sleep
I'll never be godzilla or lassie
getting older is fucking scary
really
fucking
scary

I hate sleep
I would like to go to sleep and not bother waking up
which is why I hate sleep
because I go to sleep
and try to stay asleep
it doesn't work
so i wake up late
mad as a house
for missing the day
that I would have wasted anyway

fuck this.... I'm sick of it. So fucking sick of it.
My arm's stinging and dripping blood on the carpet. I should mop it up. Instead I'm making myself a cup of tea before bed. Priorities. What a fucking winner. Happy 26th birthday, man.

Ahn ahn ahn ahn the world wants me dead I'm sure I'm sure of it fuck

what am I scared of? oh fuck ahn ahn ahn

Aaahhhhnnnnn
when I stop for just a couple moments to remember all stuffs liiike... OCTOBER 2000, anything like that, or to consider what gawn on since AROUND that time... just... I fuckin' well up like a fuckin emo-champion or somesuch fuckin bullshit...
I can't nevah get that days back... and they was fuckin squandered as well (social tard ++++++)

And weighing it all up with what I am now
ohhhh fuck
I have wasted and am wasting my life.
Je Suis Retard (I Am Late)
I am a retard.

Today I was supposed to go to Glasgow, but I fucked that up.
My sciatica was so bad I could hardly fucking walk.
I've done fucking nothing all day. I've been sitting here since 6pm. It's 5am now. aaaahn..


Will I ever get it back?

nuthin and nuthin and nuthin

Jehhh.. Mostly I am asleep. I got nothing to do and nowhere to do.
Absolutely shit all. I can't face seeing anyone and as soon as I leave the house I just draw blanks, but as soon as I wake up (eventually) I get cabin fever and have to get out.
So fuckin' sick of this god-damn bedsit

Was my dad's birthday today, they went for a meal, I sat with 'em, no food, got no appetite, close to cryin' my fuckin eyes out at a couple points but held it together and kept my arm outta sight.

Mostly asleep. It's just more interesting than actually being awake.
Last night I dreamed I befriended an ape, we swapped bananas. The other night I dreamed I joined Cardiacs and Tim Smith was better.
I wake up and there's all this fucking... nothing
nothing except the utter cunt upstairs microwaving ketamine to sell to junkie scum who knock on my window, I am a gateway drug to k-town. Fucking pricks.

Forced down a can of spinach.
Tried to sleep earlier but ended up having a micronightmare and couldn't get back to sleep. Sat in front of a tv for a while.

This is my life. It is exciting.
I think about ending it, but I'm too much of a coward to actually go through with anything, I just make a vague mess now and again. Would rather just go to bed one day and then not so much not wake up, just have never existed. To vanish and leave no trace would be the best thing, but totally impossible. Frr shame.

But

There's nothing for me.
I do nothing and I don't seem to be able to do anything.
Pfffffffffffeh. Fuck this.

Soon I get to be dragged around several glorious airports. Joy betold. Ah.

asshole sky
fuckkin deathwad cockendersz

yeah I'm fffckn.. hella succinct.

Hanging around in the smeg-air of this shithole dead-dog town and this god-damned world is tooooo fuckin' much and hey but ain't it just the way things are? Whatever the fuck's important or some shit... some shit... whole fuckin' heapsz of cockend

This place is grinding me down intae a fuckin paste
Now if that was literally, that would be quite right.

Hello The Void
I like how nothing you are
and would like to go and be all absolute in your everything bits..

I am systematically destroying my life down to fuckin' bits and pieces. See what cack I can cobble together if there's anything left

I wonder if my life is over now?
Teen dribble - but - it's like.... huh
something I've put my whooooole energies into for the past 10 years and all that fuckin' jamb. All done with now. Feels fuckin' weird. Cut up about it to fuck, like fuuuuck

but shit I can't fucking do it anymore.

il pleut

Ehhh majick spirals of fuckn wacknisss
spent too long reading a website that just gave me WRONG ideas
listening to C64 tunes/pile of bananas - two of the very things that keep the horrid fuckin world at bay
gonna leave the house now
bad idea I don't really wanna see anyone but I am sick to death of these fucking asshole walls and the prick who lives above me with his magic microwave. Fuck off.

UHFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF the whole damn time uphill frr nuthin goshdamn, no peaks NO FUCKN PEAKS fuckittttt

I don't want to STOP, but I might have to STOP

STOPPING is too close to death god-dammit.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh, stuff or death goddamnit! Sick of staaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaleness!
Power Spazz must be a different person or something
This blog reserved for crap backhanded teenaged aphorism from now on anyway.

fffffffffffffuck offfffffffffffffffffffffff